Prior to starting this blog, I decided to summarize my life on a timeline to illustrate the various nuances that were occurring over the past two decades to illustrate a point to my best friend, who has been around for the past 6 or 7 years but didn’t witness the struggle first hand.
I remember when I sent it over to her she said quite sarcastically, ‘I get it *deep breath/eyeroll*
You worked all day and all night, sacrificing, saving, strategizing…..’
LOL – She hates me… And though I don’t do it any more – just to annoy her – I texted her at 6:30 am every morning and say – Gym Done. Laundry Done. Swept and Vacuumed. Heading to Work. *crickets*
Presenting my life accounts with some humor is intentional because much of the content exposes the most vulnerable parts of who I am.
However, I feel it is critical to disclose the facts because it truly speaks to conflict resolution, strategy, course correction, and perseverance.
And as I review this table I realize… a day late and a dollar short btw… That for the past 20 years, I was disproportionately living to please others.
The highlighted fields indicate the times when I was engaged in activities that brought me joy and inspired hope.
The unhighlighted fields….. Well they represent times of insecurity, fear, disappointment in myself and others… It was a VERY sad and lonely time.
I honestly felt like I had the world on my shoulders and it wasn’t my imagination – my son, mother, sister, significant other, step children…. From the age of 24 to present, the roofs over our head, the food we eat… our overall financial well being ultimately relies on the sustainability of a business that I am 100% responsible for.
Then add in the fact that I just LOVE to complicate my life for no apparent reason …. It truly is a wonder I was able to stay afloat.
Truth be told…. If you knew me during those years, you remember the sadness and despair. Very FEW people know the REAL story… I’ll just say I have always had the power to change the things that did not honor me and I must accept responsibility for my inaction.
Even to this day I struggle with setting boundaries in relationships – personal and professional.
Thankfully even during the darkest of times, I held onto logic and just kept progressing – whether it was continued learning or pursing business opportunities… even though I didn’t believe I was even worthy…. I knew I had to overcome and prove to my son with my actions that ANYTHING is possible!
Let me tell you… when I ran from Vegas (literally) – I woke up in my new house in Laguna Beach the following morning and went out on the balcony and sobbed. I was terrified….